


How Likely

by Burlesquechachki



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Car Accident, Depression, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss of a Lover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 12:18:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11920758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burlesquechachki/pseuds/Burlesquechachki
Summary: It wasnt until he was gone, Violet Chachki finally breaks





	How Likely

How likely would it be to have someone.

How likely would it be to have someone wake up to just text you before you leave.

How likely would it be to have someone kiss your forehead while you sleep after a long night of partying. 

How likely would it be to have someone drop everything and go to you when you need them.

How likely would it be to have someone whisper just how beautiful you are under the moon, stars watching, grass on your feet, your hearts dancing.

How likely would it be to have someone wait all day and night, for the I love you to come out of your mouth. 

How likely would it be to have someone who will love you all your life.

Till death do us part. 

He promised. 

.

Jason wasn't feeling anything.

He wasn't sad, he wasn't happy, he wasn't angry, he was nothing. 

Numb.

Maybe that's it.

Everything around him was a big blur.

Is it because of the tears in his eyes?

Is it because of the loud buzzing in his ears?

Or is it because he was numb to the point where everything was dissolving past him.

Maybe that's it. 

Jason wasn't the one to give up a fight.

The four grey walls stared back at him, as Jason stared back. The fading color somehow matches his mood in a comforting way. From its blue undertone to its space. Nothing filled the room, not a single furniture stood there. Not a single portrait was hanged. 

His presence and a pic in hand were the only ones left. In this cold dark room.

It's been like this for 3 days.

3 days.

With nothing but the pic in hand to keep him up at night. 

Nightmare or Daydream.

With nothing in his stomach, as it grumbles breaking the thick silence in the air.

With nothing to drink to keep his dry throat wet.

With nothing.

His seclusion to the outside wasn't noticed.

Or so he thought.

After the 2nd day of people knocking on his door, they gave up. Cause he won't bother even standing up from his place.

In the cold tiled floor.

He's hoping people think he's dead by now.

Cause they all know he can't survive a day without him.

Without him he wasn't someone.

He wasn't Violet neither was he Jason.

He was just a something in the air thinning every second without him.

He was surprised himself when he survived 3 days.

But of course the thought just can't leave him alone.

Thinking about it every night makes him scream. 

Scream until his voice was cracked, too tired to get water.

He would go wild. 

Throw furniture in the air. 

Throw pictures and glass ware.

Move everything out until he was the only one left.

On their room.

Alone.

And cold.

And numb.

Hearing the glass shutter as he throws it, hearing the cracking of wood as he breaks it, brings him at ease.

Cause it expresses how he feels inside when it's all too much.

He can't stop until nothing is broken.

So it matches him.

So it won't make him feel alone.

He can't stop blaming himself because of what happened. 

Sometimes he can still feel him around.

With his lazy voice trying to make him stand and be him again.

Be Violet Chachki the Burlesque Queen. 

And be Jason Dardo the boy that he loves so much.

But it wasn't enough encouragement to get him back to his feet.

It wasn't enough.

It will never be enough. 

He can't. 

All throughout the competition he was fierce. Ignoring the side comments the other contestants will make against him.

Ignoring the critiques but making sure to change things up every single outfit he shows off.

Making the best of what he does.

Cause they don't know the real him.

And by the time of the crowning comes. Both of them weren't surprised he won.

Cause he knew he deserves it.

After that everything was great for them.

It was partying and performances every night. 

Sex in the middle of intoxicated minds.

Small talk in the middle of the afternoon after his smoke breaks.

And his favorite. 

Kisses everywhere, everytime.

But it all changed after a few slurs, a car crash and a trip to the cemetery. 

It wasn't the same.

He wasn't the same.

Nothing was the same.

He would never not blame himself because of it.

He would never cry out the guilt pent up on him.

He would never forgive himself for doing that to his Matt.

Matt.

Where could he even start.

The Matt that spilled wine on the floor lucky enough to spill nothing on his white dress. 

The Matt that almost tripped in front of everyone after being called safe

The Matt that has smoke breaks in the most ungodly hour of the day.

Especially the Matt that understood who Jason really is.

Third times the charm they say.

It's the third day without him.

Maybe he can see him today.

They can't even go through a single day without seeing each other.

They always find a way to see the other.

Long face times when one is on the other side of the world for a gig or tour.

The other one always watching them perform.

They can't be separated. 

3 days was probably enough waiting.

He was ready to see Matt again.

.

And so Jason put on his makeup, perfecting it from the contour to the lipstick.

Putting on his most expensive wig.

And the dress Matt bought him on their second year anniversary.

And now Jason was once again Violet.

"Are you proud of me again?" Violet whispered to himself. Surprising him with how broken his voice sounds.

Perfect. 

Violet likes to admire himself after he paints his face but now he was too excited to see Matt again.

Cause everyone knows how impatient Violet can be.

So after picking up glass by glass, slashing it across the uncovered skin.

He was numb again.

Perfect.

"See you soon matt"

.

How unlikely would it be to find someone who will be against all odds to be with the one they love.

.


End file.
